Can you "Opt Out" of Grief?

With Mother's Day approaching, how do you navigate your feelings?

Can you “Opt Out” of Grief?

Everyone has specific feelings about their Mother.

2014 is the 10th Anniversary year of my Mother’s passing. Her death, change my life. It changed all of us. I miss her every day.

A week or so ago, I received an email from Open Table acknowledging the approach of Mother’s Day and it asked if I wanted to “opt out” of receiving emails leading up to the holiday. It made think about why folks would want to...

One reason could be personal loss:

For some, Mother's Day can be a painful reminder of the loss of their mom or a mother figure.

The single day's emphasis on celebration and togetherness may intensify feelings of grief and loneliness for some of us who have experienced the death of our mom or mother figure.

So, opting out of traditional celebrations can be a way to honor their feelings of loss and prioritize self-care during what, for many, can be a difficult day or even days leading up to it.

Another reason could be complicated or strained relationships:

In cases where relationships with mothers or mother figures are strained or challenging, the idea of celebrating Mother's Day can evoke feelings of conflict or discomfort.

Opting out may serve as a form of boundary-setting or self-preservation for those navigating complex family dynamics.

By choosing not to participate in the holiday, they may prioritize their emotional well-being and set boundaries that align with their needs.

Even differing beliefs:

Some folks may opt out of celebrating Mother's Day due to differing beliefs or values that conflict with the traditional notion of the holiday.

This can include cultural differences, religious beliefs, or personal convictions that challenge the commercialized aspects of Mother's Day.

By opting out, individuals can uphold their beliefs and engage in practices that align more closely with their values.

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

If traditional ways aren’t your thing, change it up:

Personalized gestures, including writing a heartfelt letter, creating a handmade gift, or spending quality time together engaging in activities that your mother figure enjoys.

Acts of service like helping with household chores, running errands, or assisting with tasks that alleviate stress and workload speak volumes.

Doing nothing is also an option. Sometimes your self care is the best gift you can give to both parties. Some relationships are complicated and require space and that’s ok too.

Celebrating virtually has become more common, if physical distance prevents you from being together. Technology can bridge the gap and allow you to express your love and appreciation across any distance.

Honoring their legacy and impact of your mother figure by engaging in activities that reflect their values, passions, or teachings. From volunteering and preserving family traditions to sharing stories that celebrate their influence in your life.

Honoring by writing a Children’s Book:

These alternative ways of honoring and appreciating mother figures offer opportunities to cultivate deeper connections, express gratitude authentically, and celebrate the unique bond shared with those who play a maternal role in our lives.

I think we’re allowed to have a tough day (s), to celebrate or not, to have our memories. Everyday is Mother’s Day for me. Because I am a mother and because, even though she isn’t here, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Mommy.